Why Can't I Cope With The Things I Used To Cope With?
Have you ever found yourself thinking, "Why does everything suddenly feel so much harder than it used to?"
Not because your life has dramatically changed. In fact, on paper, it probably looks as though you're doing exactly what you've always done. You're working, looking after your family, remembering everyone's appointments, planning meals, replying to emails, keeping the house going, thinking three steps ahead all the time...and yet somehow it all feels heavier than it used to.
If that sounds familiar, you're definitely not alone. It's a question I hear from women all the time, and it's one I've asked myself too.
For years, I honestly thought I was coping. I was a primary school teacher for 25 years, bringing up four children, running a home and trying to keep all the plates spinning. I don't remember ever stopping to think, "This is too much." I just kept going because that's what everyone around me seemed to be doing. We all had careers. We all had children. We were all trying to make it work.
Then something just changed. I can’t really put my finger on what it was exactly as it wasn't one dramatic event. Life didn't suddenly just fall apart but I do remember reaching a point where I found myself thinking, "I don’t mind hard work, but this is feeling impossible now! "
I was exhausted. I was getting migraines. My shoulders were permanently tense and I just didn't feel like I could keep going in the same way. I tried to get help by going to my GP because I couldn't understand why I felt so tired. Blood tests were taken, but never followed up on so life just carried on and if I'm honest, so did I! There was always something more urgent that needed my attention.
At the time, I thought the problem was me.
It wasn't until I trained as a Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapist that I began to understand what had really been happening. Ironically, I wasn't looking for therapy at all. I was looking for a different career. What I found instead was an explanation that completely changed the way I understood myself.
I learnt about the nervous system. I learnt what years of chronic stress can do to the mind and body. I learnt why everything had started to feel so overwhelming, even though I'd spent years coping perfectly well.
More importantly, I realised these are skills that can be learnt. Nobody had ever taught me how my nervous system worked. Nobody had ever explained why my thoughts became louder when I was stressed and why I found it harder to switch off or why I'd started feeling guilty for doing something as simple as sitting on the sofa in the middle of the day.
I wish someone had taught me those things years earlier. That's why I wanted to record a podcast with Tiff from WellVow.
We talked about why so many women reach a point where they feel as though they're not coping anymore. We talked about the invisible mental load that so many of us carry without even noticing. We talked about hormones, but we also talked about everything else that sits alongside them. Years of responsibility. Years of putting ourselves at the bottom of the list. Years of believing that pushing through was the only option.
Most importantly, we talked about hope, because understanding what's happening is often the first step towards changing it.
So, if you've been asking yourself, "What's happened to me?" or "Why can't I cope like I used to?", I'd really love you to have a listen.
I hope you'll come away with the same thing I did all those years ago when I started my training.
An explanation.
And the reassurance that there are practical skills that can help you feel calmer, more in control and more like yourself again.
🎙️ You can listen to the podcast here: Riding The Wave of your 40s and 50s
If it resonates with you, I'd love to know. And if there's another woman in your life who always seems to be looking after everyone else, please do share it with her. She might need to hear that she's not failing at life. She might simply be carrying far more than anyone else realises.